You are not listening when:
You do not care about me.
You say you understand before you know me well enough.
You have an answer for my problem before I've finished telling you what my problem is.
You cut me off before I've finished speaking.
You finish my sentences for me.
You feel critical of my vocabulary, grammar or accent.
You are dying to tell me something.
You tell me about your experience making mine seem unimportant.
You are communicating to someone else in the room.
You refuse my thanks by saying you really haven't done anything.
You are listening when:
You come quietly into my private world and let me be.
You really try to understand me, even if I'm not making much sense.
You grasp my point even when it's against your own sincere convictions.
You realise that the time I took from you has left you a bit tired and drained.
You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they might be wrong.
You do not take my problem from me but allow me to deal with it in my own way.
You hold back your desire to give me good advice.
You give me room enough to discover for myself what is going on.
You accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know that you have been helpful.